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LIFE AT THE CLOSET DOOR

Gay Peoples Chronicle

August 1986

HELLO TOM...I THOUGHT WE'D AGREED THAT YOU WOULDN'T CALL ME AT THE OFFICE UNLESS IT WAS AN EMERGENCY

SAY, DAVE...

UH, MARGIE, UH, I LOVE YOU TOO, MARGIE

THE

BY BRADY 1985

THE CATS DID WHAT?! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? ARE THEY ALL RIGHT?... WELL, IT'S GOT TO BE FIXED SO WE MIGHT AS WELL SPEND THE MONEY... NO. IT'S ak....

I KNOW YOU DO, YES, I LOVE YOU TOO, T...

HEY GUYS...DAVE'S GOT SOME NEW BABE NAMED MARGIE. GEEZ. THE AMERICAN GIGOLO STRIKES AGAIN!

AH... LIFE AT THE CLOSET DOOR!

SCRATCHING

By PHIL ARULA'S CAT

[To resuscitate this deplorably meretricious feature was never my desire. I hoped it would fade into decent oblivion. ignored in the present, forgotten by posterity, never again linked with my name. Alas, events most rudely dashed my hope!

Reading the July EQUALS Newsletter and glancing with some distaste at a column by Jeannette, my name caught my eye. With growing horror 1 realized that Jeannette was voicing a most shocking allegation that shook the very essence of my soul and made my whiskers curl in distress. She rudely and most inaccurately referred to me as he!

POST

Drawing the poisoned darts of slander has been my unhappy fate ever since that terrible night Mr. Bores so rudely evicted me, uttering a very crass adjective I do not care to repeat.

My nature is forgiving. I recently overlooked (and forgave another writer's spiteful denial of my very existence. Oblivion has its consolations. And, indeed, the deplorable grammar in which she couched the charge --"Phil doe not have a cat"-was itself a lapse so embarrassing in another female that I preferred to ignore the incident. But I cannot overlook this unwarranted distortion of my gender.

With its usual lack of sympathy, the Chronicle re-

BRADY

I used to let me address this calumny unless I wrote still another column.

The sole concession my pleas could wring was amending its title. The Scratching Post is hardly ideal, but lacks the cloyingly vulgar archness of the Catnip Corner.]

Reconciliation?

Reconciliation seems to mean very different things. At the Catholic Diocese's Prayer Service for AIDS victims Capie O'Donnell swept down upon Chronicle staff members Charlie Callender and Mark Kroboth. The smile firmly fixed on her face contrasted strangely with hands that were shaking with rage. She announced, cryptically, "One of our rules is that there must be no literaature."

Kroboth and Callender did doubletakes, trying to figure out what she could possibly mean. No reporters? But who calls journalism literature? It turned out that someone had put a stack of Chronicles in the Cathedral. (I have an idea who the Bad Boy was, but won't name him.}

Blaming the writing staff (or perhaps believing that having done the devil's work they were eternally saddled with all responsibility for it, O'Donnell unsuccessfully demanded they personally remove the offensive material from Diocesan precincts. Exorcism?

Rumors that O'Donnell has asked for an exorcism rite are strengthened by the actions of one of her supporters at the Parade. Handed a Chronicle, he screamed at the touch as if burned, and trampled it under his feet.

The Politics of Gossip

I really can't agree with those who think the Eleanor Roosevelt Gay Political Club compromised its status as a serious political organization by featuring a bar-rag gossip column in its newsletter.

Granting that the lesbian/ gay political movement is in considerable disarray, and also admitting that too many straight politicians do not take us seriously, my own hunch is that in its own subtle way ERGPC is actually presenting an affirmation of gay pride, Cleveland-style, as its response to the Supreme Court ruling.

And a gossip column is utterly appropriate in another respect. ERGPC vice-president Winn W. considers bar rags the cutting edge of gay advancement, so it is fitting that her organization remodel its newsletter to resemble one.

Besides, it gives ERGPC a unique feature among gay political organizations.

Just one thing bothers me: Picturing ERGPC endorsements. "For governor, ERGPC recomments cute little Dennie K. with his big warm eyes."

Ron Jr.'s Underpants

I enjoyed the Plain Dealer's mini-editorial about

Ronald Reagan Jr.'s growing penchant for being photographed in his underpants. But was a bit shocked by its last phrase: ...the underpants have got to go." Ed Meese wouldn't like that. Neither would Bishop Pilla and the fundamentalists. And It wouldn't be suitable for family viewing.

Ron, Jr., Pornographer I wonder how many of the people dutifully boycotting Lawson stores realize that the son of their president is an editor of one of the pornographic publications they're trying to stamp out.

Bob Hope and AIDS The Statue of Liberty festivities sound like a lowclass affair, what with Anita Bryant's appointment as a Handmaiden of Liberty (or something of the sort) and Bob Hope's AIDS joke, shockingly tasteless even for his gag-writers. Hope told an audience of 400

"Did you hear? The Statue of Liberty has contracted AIDS, but they don't know if she caught it from the mouth of the Hudson River or from a Staten Island ferry."

Nobody laughed. Most of the audience pretended they hadn't heard it, according to the Bay Area Reporter, which points out most of the press has suppressed the

news.

Cohn and AIDS

Roy Cohn's New York Times obituary, listing RTLV-3 infections as one cause of his death, included some fascinating bits of information. That Francis Cardinal Spellaan was one of his clients seems appropriate enough not to raise any eyebrows; but John Cardinal O'Connor? And I wonder whether his friend William F. Buckley knew that Cohn was one of those whose ass he wanted to tattoo?

How's That Again?

One of the more interesting stories of the year is that of the British spy who was shocked to learn that the Chinese woman with whom he had had a long-term sexual relationship that included, he believed, the conception and birth of a child, was a female impersonator.

AIDS ART

Graphics, film, video, photographs,

flyers, posters, brochures, illustrations, PSAs by community organizations and individual artists responding to the AIDS crisis are sought for a touring exhibition and catalogue, curated by J.Z. Grover, c/o the Ohio State University Gallery of Fine Art, 128 North Oval Mall, Columbus Ohio 43210; 614/4220330. (See news story on page 3.)

Send slides or VHS tapes with background information and resume before November 30, 1986.